Tidy bowl tears

I never imagined that I would purge the majority of my tears over this move while hanging over this tub and toilet with a sponge in my hand. I had had my moments over the past few months, but by and large I had not been too weepy. I have moved about every 2-3 years since I graduated from high school. Even before that we moved about as much while I was growing up. I didn’t anticipate this being any different. But seeing the house empty was hard. All of a sudden I could hear all the sounds – from the beating and banging of the early construction that I always prayed wouldn’t wake Olivia up to O. and J.’s screams as they ran naked down the hallway to the bathtub that I was cleaning the last night we were there. There were so many things I would never hear and see again – the creaks that certain boards in the floor made, Olivia sitting in her big girl bed for the first time in the corner of her little room, both kids sleeping at one time or another in every single room in that house. I knew we had experienced a lot in this house, but I still couldn’t figure out why my emotions were suddenly so strong. My friend, Amy described it well I think. She said that once you have children the memories are unrepeatable. Up until this time in my life I had done lots of things I could do again (for the most part). But my children would never take their first steps again or potty train again (hopefully) or stay up until 10:30 laughing and throwing things at each other from their beds in that room again. As I walked through those empty rooms I cried my eyes out. I was so proud of Mike and everything the Lord strengthened him to accomplish there. I was so thankful for my children who endured so much. I was so thankful that the Lord preserved us through all of this. There were many points where we could have been derailed – our marriage could have tanked, Mike’s studies could have failed, we could have continued the way we started – in our own prideful strength. The Lord is so gentle. He was so kind to us. For a long time I thought I would be relieved to leave this house and its trials behind. Now I am so thankful that we are taking it with us – in our memories, in the changes God has wrought in our hearts and character, in who we are as a family – always desperately in need of more grace. “Unless the Lords builds the house, those who build it labor in vain.”