The first time I heard this hymn I was drawn to it...in a fearful sort of way. I still hold my breath most of the way through it every time I listen to it - which is pretty regularly. Newton's understanding of the sovereignty of God and prayer is much harsher than we are typically comfortable with. The Bible does say that God is love, but we want that to mean that his action toward us always feels warm and fuzzy and lovely. We want that to mean that he loves and accepts us just the way we are. We do not want it to mean that he is willing to take drastic measures (including sending his son to die) in order that we don't remain just the way we are.
Here are the lyrics. You can hear a clip of the song at igracemusic.com. It is on the Beams of Heaven album.
I asked the Lord that I might grow/In faith and love and every grace/Might more of his salvation know/And seek more earnestly his face.
Twas he who taught me thus to pray/And he I trust has answered prayer/But it has been in such a way/As almost drove me to despair.
I hoped that in some favored hour/At once he'd answer my request/And by his love's constraining power/Subdue my sins and give me rest.
Instead of this he made me feel/The hidden evils of my heart/And let the angry powers of hell/Assault my soul in every part.
Yea more with his own hand he seemed/Intent to aggravate my woe/Crossed all the fair designs I schemed/Cast out my feelings, laid me low.
"Lord, why is this?" I trembling cried, "Wilt thou pursue thy worm to death?"
"Tis in this way," the Lord replied "I answer prayer for grace and faith."
"These inward trials I employ/From self and pride to set thee free/To break thy schemes of earthly joy/That thou mayest seek thy all in me."
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