Control of this life and it's happenings are an illusion. I am reminded of that as so many friends talk about scheduling inductions or c-section so that they can KNOW when "it's" going to happen and be prepared. And then we all find out that even when the date is determined there is nothing we could have done, no amount of nesting, to really prepare for what the addition of a new baby to your family brings. "The mind of man plans his ways, but the Lord directs his paths."
Thursday night we took cookies to the fire station that responded our 911 call last year. It was very therapeutic for me. I think sometimes I minimize the whole event because it turned out the way it did. But when I stop to think about the fact that Mike was completely unconscious and if it weren't for that timely does of epinephrine I could be a single mother...well, let's just say it is 5:30 a.m. and I have been up since 4:00 and there is snot pouring out of my nose right now.
While we were at the fire station the alarm sounded and we had to rush out of the garage. It was less than 3 minutes from the time of the bell that we were standing on the side walk, holding hands as the engine pealed into the street with its lights and sirens blaring. Lights and sirens. I remember those. I was so thankful.
A year ago that day, there was a baby failing to thrive in my belly. This morning I sit here very round and uncomfortable. And there is a chance this baby could arrive on the very day that her big sister or brother slipped out of my body in death. "The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord."
Thank you Lord for anniversaries that remind.